If youre stressed, research says to think in the third-person

If youre stressed, research says to think in the third-personIf youre stressed, research says to think in the third-personTo put your problems in perspective, it helps to give yourself some objective distance.But when our problems only exist in our heads, stepping back from the issues can be challenging, if not impossible. Thats why psychology research has found solutions to create mental distance between our minds and our anxiety.Thinking in the third-person decreases your stressIf you cant take a literal break from your own brain, try putting some linguistic distance in your head by thinking of yourself in the third-person.A recent study published in Scientific Reports found that thinking of yourself in the third-person can be an effective way to control your thoughts and behaviors under pressure.The researchers recruited participants to recall painful autobiographical memories using eitherIortheir name. Participants who had to recall these memories with I statements reported much higher distress than those who got to talk about these memories with some linguistic distance.In the study, the researchers suggested that the pronoun switch makes a difference because language rapidly shapes peoples emotional experiences. When youre under extreme stress and anxiety, your world can constrict to your own feelings of panic. When alarm bells are ringing in your head, youre unable to think clearly. Thats why the researchers suggested that individuals who are excessively self-focused in the face of negative experiences would benefit the fruchtwein from this technique. It forces you out of your head and gives you some distance to sort through your thoughts.Imagine that a friend is in your situationIf you struggle with the idea of thinking of yourself in the third-person, try thinking of how you would approach your problem if the same problem welches happening to a close friend.We tend to be much harder on ourselves than we would be on people who are our close friends. Thi s finding is backed by cognitive behavioral therapy. In his book on anxiety therapy, cognitive behavioral therapist David D. Burns discusses how he uses a Double-Standard role play technique with his patients.If you discover that youd be more compassionate and objective when talking to a friend, ask yourself if youf be willing to talk to yourself in the same way, Burns advises.In one scenario the book details, a patient was able to work through his self-defeating thoughts over a breakup after he was told to role-play how he would advise a close friend going through the same rejection.When this patient heard his own mean thoughts about himself told to a friend, he realized that the thoughts were irrational and he was able to change how he felt about the breakup.These mental techniques are teaching your mind to attack problems from different angles, and not dwell in the negative. When you think of your problems in the voice of a friend, youre still just talking to yourself, but the te chnique can give us needed compassionate distance to process our emotions objectively.

12 signs your boss is impressed with you, even if it doesnt seem like it

12 signs your anfhrer is impressed with you, even if it doesnt seem like it12 signs your boss is impressed with you, even if it doesnt seem like itThe signs that your boss likes you can be quite subtle.But its crucial to definitively establish that your manager is on your side. Getting along with your boss is a pretty important partee of succeeding at work. Your manager likely controls whether or leidlage you get promoted, demoted, or fired, after all. Your job is in their hands.Some bosses make their appreciation clear. They heap on the praise, give positive and detailed feedback, and make you feel like youre an integral part of the success of the organization.But not all managers are so open.Its always good to ask for honest feedback. Before you make inquiries, though, here are a number of signs that your boss probably is pretty impressed with your workThey give you tough loveSuzanne Bates, CEO of Bates Communications and author of All the Leader You Can Be, told Business Insider t hat it can be difficult to figure out whether or not your boss likes you.A boss who sees you as promising may give you a lot of feedback, not all of it positive - some of it might be tough love because he or she sees you as someone who can handle it and is ready for mora responsibility, she said.They challenge youIf youre feeling a bit overwhelmed at times, then that might not be a terrible thing.The boss will probably give you more than you feel you can handle at times, not because he or she is trying to punish you, but because they want to test you on tough assignments, said Bates.They share your prioritiesAsk your boss what his or her top priorities are and put up your hand for challenging assignments, said Bates. Give the boss a chance to see you in action, especially on a project important to him or her, so that they can see what youre made of.They respect youAt the end of the day, likability is overrated.Stop worrying so much about whether the boss likes you because what real ly matters most is whether they respect you, include you, and engage you in important conversations, Bates said. Likability is not as important as making a contribution, being a thought partner, and helping the team and the organization thrive.They ask for your inputBruce Tulgan, the founder and CEO of RainmakerThinking and author of Its Okay to Manage Your Boss, said that bosses confer more with the employees whom they like and trust.If the boss often asks your input in one-on-ones and team meetings and leaves plenty of time for you to talk and then responds favorably to what you say - these are good signs, he said.Theyre not always forthcoming with the complimentsYou might think that managers shower the employees whom they value with praise, but Bates notes that this isnt always the case.They either think you already know youre in good standing, they dont want to seem to be favoring you, or they simply just forget because you do so many things well, she said.Bates recommended tha t you ask for feedback and make it clear that you want your manager to tell it like it is.Tulgan agreed, saying that workers shouldnt always expect unprompted feedback.You should always make sure you are getting expectations spelled out in vivid detail and you should be tracking your wertzuwachs every step of the way, he said. Keep score for yourself Then you wont have to guess.They go to you firstTulgan said that its promising if your boss seems to use you as a go to person. They hit you up first when something needs to be done, whether its a regular assignment or a special one.They give you more responsibilityManagers often deputize their most talented employees. You probably wont get a gold-star badge, but you will get put in charge of important projects and even your fellow coworkers.They defer to youWhen other employees are struggling, your manager sends them to you.If your boss tells others to go to you for guidance or instruction or examples of good work, this is a good sign, Tulgan said.They give you important tasksTulgan said that one major sign of trust is your boss specifically asking you to deal with important customers.They check in with youTulgan said that bosses will go out of their way to check on the workers they like. Theyll ask about your happiness, whether or not youre planning to leave, and how the company can keep you on.Your boss isnt interrogating you - theyre proactively figuring out what steps theyll need to take to retain you.They ask you to teach othersIf your manager is constantly asking you to show the geschftszimmer newbie the ropes or explain how things work to your colleagues, it may feel like theyre just pawning off extra tasks on you.And that might be the case, in some instances.But your boss also might also so impressed with your skills that they want to spread them around to others. Instead of looking at these requests as extra busy work, use them as opportunities to hone your own leadership abilities and showcase your exp ertise in the office.This article first appeared on Business Insider.12 signs your boss is impressed with you, even if it doesnt seem like itThe signs that your boss likes you can be quite subtle.But its crucial to definitively establish that your manager is on your side. Getting along with your boss is a pretty important part of succeeding at work. Your manager likely controls whether or not you get promoted, demoted, or fired, after all. Your job is in their hands.Some bosses make their appreciation clear. They heap on the praise, give positive and detailed feedback, and make you feel like youre an integral part of the success of the organization.But not all managers are so open.Its always good to ask for honest feedback. Before you make inquiries, though, here are a number of signs that your boss probably is pretty impressed with your workThey give you tough loveSuzanne Bates, CEO of Bates Communications and author of All the Leader You Can Be, told Business Insider that it can b e difficult to figure out whether or not your boss likes you.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreA boss who sees you as promising may give you a lot of feedback, not all of it positive - some of it might be tough love because he or she sees you as someone who can handle it and is ready for more responsibility, she said.They challenge youIf youre feeling a bit overwhelmed at times, then that might not be a terrible thing.The boss will probably give you more than you feel you can handle at times, not because he or she is trying to punish you, but because they want to test you on tough assignments, said Bates.They share your prioritiesAsk your boss what his or her top priorities are and put up your hand for challenging assignments, said Bates. Give the boss a chance to see you in action, especially on a project important to him or her, so that they can see what youre made of.They res pect youAt the end of the day, likability is overrated.Stop worrying so much about whether the boss likes you because what really matters most is whether they respect you, include you, and engage you in important conversations, Bates said. Likability is not as important as making a contribution, being a thought partner, and helping the team and the organization thrive.They ask for your inputBruce Tulgan, the founder and CEO of RainmakerThinking and author of Its Okay to Manage Your Boss, said that bosses confer more with the employees whom they like and trust.If the boss often asks your input in one-on-ones and team meetings and leaves plenty of time for you to talk and then responds favorably to what you say - these are good signs, he said.Theyre not always forthcoming with the complimentsYou might think that managers shower the employees whom they value with praise, but Bates notes that this isnt always the case.They either think you already know youre in good standing, they dont want to seem to be favoring you, or they simply just forget because you do so many things well, she said.Bates recommended that you ask for feedback and make it clear that you want your manager to tell it like it is.Tulgan agreed, saying that workers shouldnt always expect unprompted feedback.You should always make sure you are getting expectations spelled out in vivid detail and you should be tracking your performance every step of the way, he said. Keep score for yourself Then you wont have to guess.They go to you firstTulgan said that its promising if your boss seems to use you as a go to person. They hit you up first when something needs to be done, whether its a regular assignment or a special one.They give you more responsibilityManagers often deputize their most talented employees. You probably wont get a gold-star badge, but you will get put in charge of important projects and even your fellow coworkers.They defer to youWhen other employees are struggling, your manager send s them to you.If your boss tells others to go to you for guidance or instruction or examples of good work, this is a good sign, Tulgan said.They give you important tasksTulgan said that one major sign of trust is your boss specifically asking you to deal with important customers.They check in with youTulgan said that bosses will go out of their way to check on the workers they like. Theyll ask about your happiness, whether or not youre planning to leave, and how the company can keep you on.Your boss isnt interrogating you - theyre proactively figuring out what steps theyll need to take to retain you.They ask you to teach othersIf your manager is constantly asking you to show the office newbie the ropes or explain how things work to your colleagues, it may feel like theyre just pawning off extra tasks on you.And that might be the case, in some instances.But your boss also might also so impressed with your skills that they want to spread them around to others. Instead of looking at t hese requests as extra busy work, use them as opportunities to hone your own leadership abilities and showcase your expertise in the office.This article first appeared on Business Insider.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people

Damage Control for Your Holiday Mishap

Damage Control for Your Holiday MishapDamage Control for Your Holiday MishapHow to repair your reputation after a holiday party blunder.Alright, so you didnt read my last article you had a few too many vodka and tonics and things got a little out of hand at your companys holiday party.Whether you mouthed off to your manager, got caught up in an inappropriate conversation, or became a little too friendly with one of your coworkers, its important to address the situation as soon as possible and do a little damage control. While 1-800-Flowers can help you put together an Im sorry I threw up on you at the holiday party flower arrangement, its going to take more than that to reverse the damage done to your reputation.Take the following steps to start repairing your personal brand when you wake up the next morning with a little dread and a killerheadache.Regroup.Take a step back what did you do or say, and who welches involved? Who witnessed anything particularly damaging? Also, dont ass ume the worst find out what happened from a colleague you trust (ideally one who was in better shape than you) before planningyour next steps.Follow Up.Its important to apologize to anyone who was directly involved or offended as a result of your mishap. This is particularly important if it affected your direct manager or staff. Whenever possible, do this face-to-face and in a conference room so you have privacy. Depending on what happened, you may want to loop in HR.Move on.Dont dwell on the issue or continue bringing it up with your coworkers. Whats done is done. Make any necessary apologies and move on. Learn how to recognize your triggers so you can avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future. The best way to improve your personal brand is to demonstrate your professionalism going forward.Add value.It goes without saying that your new goal is to be a model employee at the company. Also, look for ways to add value to the organization outside of your day-to-day activities. Fo r instance, you could volunteer to manage the companys indoor soccer team or head up the next fundraiser for charity.It can take years to build a positive personal brand but only an evening and a few too many cocktails to do some serious damage. Dont let a silly mistake affect your potenzial at the company. You wont be able to fix things overnight however, handling the aftermath with professionalism and tact will put you on the right track.